算了

试过多少次，把文章打了打，又全部给删了，又试过多少次，脑里想了想，又把话吞回去了。。。很多东西，算了算了，就真的算了。。。

转捩点

很快的，又要进入新的一年了，明年将会是我的人生的转捩点, 很多事情将会来到属于它们的终点。。。其实，真得满期待，一切不好的，好像都要结束了。。。

也很快的，农历新年会有许许多多的中学聚会，记得每一次我都不厌其烦的问你跟不跟，而你就会果断地拒绝，其实每次聚会我真的很想把你带去，让大家知道，你就是那个人。。。

也不懂为什么，每次想写东西，写着写着。。。就不想多写了，这篇也不例外，好像不想多说些什么。。。

苦笑

得空没事做，又跑去看 FB inbox, 原来我们已经很久没像以前这样聊天了，看着所有对话，嘴角都会不自觉地上扬，但是又会渐渐地伤悲，惋惜这一切都已经是过去。。。对不起，真的很对不起，没把你捉牢，让现在的我们变成了这样。。。对不起

Random

其实现在真的会有不同的地方，发泄一下不同的情绪，一直放在同一个地方，同样的人，看着反反复复的东西，谁都会腻。。。好在现在越来越多的平台，发泄不想憋在心里的情绪，短短的，就放在微信啊，想你刻意留意的，就放 whatsapp, 想分享心情的，自然就 facebook, 那有感而发的，当然就来篇文章啦。。。其实唯有这样，我才可以保持着微笑面对每一个看到我的人，因为负面情绪都宣泄出来了。。。

认识我的人，都知道我情感丰富得很，比较容易有突如其来的情绪，所以咧，最近不懂怎么了，那 feel 又来了，可能是因为最近又看港剧了吧，总会有什么情节，有或者哪一幕，回引起我的深思熟虑。。。。

你还记得曾几何时你对爱情充满着 passion, 对爱情充满着恫景，对爱情充满期待，充满幻想？我记得，但那好像是很久以前的事了。。。人越长大，就会知道，爱情并没有以前想的那么简单，单纯和美丽；它参杂了很多的现实，丑陋于不如意。。。其实我还真怀念以前那种不知天高地厚的爱。。。哈哈哈哈。。。至少它们被想起是可笑的，开心的。。。对于这门东西，我还真的好像失去了期盼，等待，遐想，也不知道从何时开始，我已不在乎它的存在与否。。。

但是跟我要好的人，都会告诉我，好好的找一个啦；我会说，找得到才讲；他们又会说，改改你的言行举止，你这样肯定不行，太不稳定啦。。。其实嘛，谁会比我自己更了解我自己？我难道不懂我这副德性其实会让别人感到不切实际？我懂，我都懂，但是我就是这样的人，只有认识我，真正了解我的人，就知道其实这一个不羁的脾性，背后住着的是一个什么人，也只有看得到着么透的人，会跟我很要好。。。

人有时真的不会知道，其实 a breach of promise 会很伤害一个人，即使那是一个很小很小的承诺，但是那承诺对别人来说可以很重要。。。不要看小这一切的伤害，它可以很大很大，大得你无法预计的改变，然而事后的一句 “对不起” 对我来说其实只是形式上的东西，它完全无法弥补那远远超过的伤害，它只能带给你一点点自我安慰，因为你已经无法补偿那些伤害。。。所以我从不轻易许下承诺，要是我答应你的，我一定会去实现，我不想做一个没有担当的人。。。

其实这篇东西真的很 random, 都是刚看完那港剧突然想写的东西。。。没什么特别，就那几幕剧情的对白好像格外的有意义。。。就连标题我都真的还没想到。。。我靠~

那一年的假期

那一年，我们中五毕业，一群懵懵懂懂的十七岁小子，第一次坐下来一起篇拍行程，学人家订机票，订酒店。。。说真的，不难。。。但是呢，就有许多的小事，阻碍了我们，有了点小小的波折，差一点就不齐人了，不过最后还是解决了。。。那一年，我们一伙人一起计划了毕业之旅，一起去到了 Langkawi 。。。在那里，我们试了很多新的东西，我们租了辆 unser, 刚刚好坐了九个人，由于我们都是年尾生日的人，所以全部都是新手，每个人就不断地轮流驾车，我们拿著地图，四处跑透透，说真的，真的很爽。。。谁都知道，哪里最便宜的就是酒，所以那时，我们第一次喝醉，第一次尝试抽烟，一大群男生，突然没有了拘束，突然的自由，真的很爽，我们干了很多平时大人们告诉我们是错的事。。。

突然地说起这一切，是因为刚才无意中又看到了我们在酒店喝酒拍的影片，每次看，我都会笑，然后就会叹息时间流失得真快。。。那是六年前的事了。。。我们过后不是没再去玩，只是不再那么的齐人。。。过后无论在哪里，无论跟谁，我都没有像那一次那样的开心，也只有和他们一起喝酒，我可以无拘无束，我不用担心任何人，不用担心酒后会发生什么事，因为我们是死党。。。我真的很想可以回到那时候，那个我叫做青春的时候。。。呵呵呵呵。。。以前的我们，十七岁要的，是和朋友到海边去吹海风，现在的十七岁？早在夜店烂醉。。。有时候我很讨厌人家说什么青春就应该玩，我很想告诉他们，那些是你们给自己的烂借口，那不是挥霍青春，是在滥用，青春的挥霍不是在酒池肉林，是做一些你老了会引以为傲的事，老了无法做的事，对我来说，我会去空中跳伞，笨猪跳，这。。。才是人家说的 “玩”。。。

还是我们当年的十七岁好。。。哈哈哈哈。。。兄弟啊，六年啦，我们是不是应该计划一下，我们下一次齐人的旅行啊？要去海边； 海风，美酒，兄弟。。。那是属于我们的共同点。。。那一次，是最难忘的旅行，最开心的旅行。。。我们的，十七岁。。。

Genetics, The Destined?

I wasn't born big boned nor tall, I was only 139cm at the age of 13, and by jumping whenever i could n for a vry vry long period, I'm now 178cm, but ppl will nvr actually realised how tall am I until they actually got a chance to stand beside me n compare their height and mine, y? becoz I was borned with small frame, I hav dense but slim bone, vry small wrist and most importantly, I'm a guy with obvious waist, it's an inverted triangle body contour tat lotsa ppl dreamnt of, but it does require lotsa lotsa hardwork to mke it bulky, I'm those tat couldnt get fat even I drink oil everyday, high metabolism type of body n tat means i loses weight in a blink of eyes, I could simply lose 5kg in a week juz by slping later den usual, and it required me at least 2-3 mnths to gain the 5kg, so it's actually a hard task for me to strive to 80kg, my body weight alwayz linger around 60-66kg...

I wasn't born big, but I want to look big, I wan to look good and stop hearing "Dude, gain some weight, u r way too thin..." I wan, I really wan, I craved... But this tke times, especially for someone with slipped disc tat required to rest for at least a month if i accidentally hurt my bak when i workout n tat meanz all the hard gained weight will be gone again... But I'll nvr giv up, it gone, i build again... I will be different, giv me some times...

U r the chief of ur soul

After the repetition of cycles of failure, some will choose to hide frm failure n be a fucking failure himself and some will stand up str8 and stiff n show the fucking failure who is the boss...

Im a great failure, and i knew it, i screwed up my control on self discipline and tat causes me to screwed up my acedemic and others minute stuffs in life... Im an engineer under grad, supposed to graduated and working by now but Im still facing stuffs tat i hate the most, exams due to the below average CGPA i gt throughout the whole tertiary ed, so basically i'm extending another semester to pull tat up and hopefully tis will be the last sem... It's actually kinda feelin bad when all ur frenz started to talk about their workloads, their salary, their expenses, their financial management n stuffs n I will sit there nod and nod and nod and well noddddd... And yea, if u didnt noe, I actually gt terminated for 3 times due to poor acedemic performance, no ppl actually know for the 3rd termination besides my family and i almost got my ass kicked out frm the uni, tat meanz im almost wasting 5 years in uni for ntg, ntg at all, not a single accreditation... Besides, I'd got a mislocation of the jelly-liked structure between the spine and irritating the nerves aka slipped disc which causes me to constantly, i mean constantly feeling the "spine being screwdrived" pain, nevertheless sportless and disabilities in completing several task which needed the strength frm the bak n aso bending, well Im not a sport freak but I do love doing sports and this symptom is a hell to me and tis lasted for 2 years...

The reason I'm telling all these is bcoz a pathetic young soul of my uni in sg long branch campus decided to take away his precious chance of living by himself early in the morning. He jumped off frm the 5th floor of the building, he's oni 19 moreover a high achiever in both spm and stpm... Reason of committing suicide are still in investigation but it was said to be due to his poor socializing network... Well come on dudes out there, is tat the end of the world for u when a obstacle is bothering u? And tat problem hav a fucking solution, u doesnt rely on in to eat or live, y u have the courage to jump of a building knowing tat u will definitely have to suffer a severe muscles bursting, bone fractured kind of pain frm the moment u landed on the groud till the monent u breath out the last breath as compared to stand up str8 and live ur life so tat "Better" would have the chance to knock ur door some other times? Those tat committed suicide no matter for money, relationship, stress or anything, u guyz r pure selfish irrational cruel shit idiots for me, did u ever tot of those ppl tat love u so much? Ur parents? Siblings? Relatives? Frenz? Some ppl r praying all day and hopes tat they would see the sunshine again and u fucking bastard chosen to end ur own life while u r totally capable to live? U r juz too selfish i would say...

Sometimes i wonder, will they regret their act when they approach the ground? When they approaching death? Im sure they will, but by tat time, it's all too late...

Well to be frank I undergo a tertiary ed life which i personally think it is bad n i need slightly more strength to continue my steps, to be frank, when i knew tat the uni decided to terminate my studies and i will hav to start all over frm 0 which will cost me another 3-4 years, i do hav a tiny little tot across my head for a second, i tot of dying, to be frank... But i didnt do it, y? Becoz it need hel lotsa courage and selfishness which u can be so careless for all the love one to choose to end ur life! I would rather continue my life in a simpler and harder way... Seriously peoples, suicide is a stupidest and most selfish way of AVOIDING problems... Dont do it, juz dont...

当运动，甚至连正常地行动都变成了奢侈品时，你就会了解正常人是很多人所奢望的幸福，因为现在的我即使每天面对着许多钻骨般的痛楚，我还是觉得我比世上现在经历着战争，饥荒的人来得幸福很多很多。。。朋友，你今天所放弃的生命，是多少人渴望于奢求生存的明天。。。要惜福，感恩。。。