Genetics, The Destined?

I wasn't born big boned nor tall, I was only 139cm at the age of 13, and by jumping whenever i could n for a vry vry long period, I'm now 178cm, but ppl will nvr actually realised how tall am I until they actually got a chance to stand beside me n compare their height and mine, y? becoz I was borned with small frame, I hav dense but slim bone, vry small wrist and most importantly, I'm a guy with obvious waist, it's an inverted triangle body contour tat lotsa ppl dreamnt of, but it does require lotsa lotsa hardwork to mke it bulky, I'm those tat couldnt get fat even I drink oil everyday, high metabolism type of body n tat means i loses weight in a blink of eyes, I could simply lose 5kg in a week juz by slping later den usual, and it required me at least 2-3 mnths to gain the 5kg, so it's actually a hard task for me to strive to 80kg, my body weight alwayz linger around 60-66kg...

I wasn't born big, but I want to look big, I wan to look good and stop hearing "Dude, gain some weight, u r way too thin..." I wan, I really wan, I craved... But this tke times, especially for someone with slipped disc tat required to rest for at least a month if i accidentally hurt my bak when i workout n tat meanz all the hard gained weight will be gone again... But I'll nvr giv up, it gone, i build again... I will be different, giv me some times...

U r the chief of ur soul

After the repetition of cycles of failure, some will choose to hide frm failure n be a fucking failure himself and some will stand up str8 and stiff n show the fucking failure who is the boss...

Im a great failure, and i knew it, i screwed up my control on self discipline and tat causes me to screwed up my acedemic and others minute stuffs in life... Im an engineer under grad, supposed to graduated and working by now but Im still facing stuffs tat i hate the most, exams due to the below average CGPA i gt throughout the whole tertiary ed, so basically i'm extending another semester to pull tat up and hopefully tis will be the last sem... It's actually kinda feelin bad when all ur frenz started to talk about their workloads, their salary, their expenses, their financial management n stuffs n I will sit there nod and nod and nod and well noddddd... And yea, if u didnt noe, I actually gt terminated for 3 times due to poor acedemic performance, no ppl actually know for the 3rd termination besides my family and i almost got my ass kicked out frm the uni, tat meanz im almost wasting 5 years in uni for ntg, ntg at all, not a single accreditation... Besides, I'd got a mislocation of the jelly-liked structure between the spine and irritating the nerves aka slipped disc which causes me to constantly, i mean constantly feeling the "spine being screwdrived" pain, nevertheless sportless and disabilities in completing several task which needed the strength frm the bak n aso bending, well Im not a sport freak but I do love doing sports and this symptom is a hell to me and tis lasted for 2 years...

The reason I'm telling all these is bcoz a pathetic young soul of my uni in sg long branch campus decided to take away his precious chance of living by himself early in the morning. He jumped off frm the 5th floor of the building, he's oni 19 moreover a high achiever in both spm and stpm... Reason of committing suicide are still in investigation but it was said to be due to his poor socializing network... Well come on dudes out there, is tat the end of the world for u when a obstacle is bothering u? And tat problem hav a fucking solution, u doesnt rely on in to eat or live, y u have the courage to jump of a building knowing tat u will definitely have to suffer a severe muscles bursting, bone fractured kind of pain frm the moment u landed on the groud till the monent u breath out the last breath as compared to stand up str8 and live ur life so tat "Better" would have the chance to knock ur door some other times? Those tat committed suicide no matter for money, relationship, stress or anything, u guyz r pure selfish irrational cruel shit idiots for me, did u ever tot of those ppl tat love u so much? Ur parents? Siblings? Relatives? Frenz? Some ppl r praying all day and hopes tat they would see the sunshine again and u fucking bastard chosen to end ur own life while u r totally capable to live? U r juz too selfish i would say...

Sometimes i wonder, will they regret their act when they approach the ground? When they approaching death? Im sure they will, but by tat time, it's all too late...

Well to be frank I undergo a tertiary ed life which i personally think it is bad n i need slightly more strength to continue my steps, to be frank, when i knew tat the uni decided to terminate my studies and i will hav to start all over frm 0 which will cost me another 3-4 years, i do hav a tiny little tot across my head for a second, i tot of dying, to be frank... But i didnt do it, y? Becoz it need hel lotsa courage and selfishness which u can be so careless for all the love one to choose to end ur life! I would rather continue my life in a simpler and harder way... Seriously peoples, suicide is a stupidest and most selfish way of AVOIDING problems... Dont do it, juz dont...

当运动，甚至连正常地行动都变成了奢侈品时，你就会了解正常人是很多人所奢望的幸福，因为现在的我即使每天面对着许多钻骨般的痛楚，我还是觉得我比世上现在经历着战争，饥荒的人来得幸福很多很多。。。朋友，你今天所放弃的生命，是多少人渴望于奢求生存的明天。。。要惜福，感恩。。。

Please Cure Me

I used to think tat Im a gifted child, a child tat hav so much attentions frm people up there and they gifted lotsa lotsa hidden talents i would say, well tis might sound abit out the mind but i do hav vry strong 6th sense when I was younger n those events do amazed me, but it nvr appears  again now... Hahaha... Well bak to the story, I alwayz feel tat Im so gifted tat i wouldn't die, I did lotsa crazy stuffs which whenever I tot bak of it, it actually causes goosebumps, Im actually tat close to death, Im juz like others kids, not afraid of anything, and I behaved like a monkey when i was younger, tat causes headache for my parents, hahahaha... And those moment doesnt last long, at the age of 9, this kid had measles, and tat causes some infection to his bladder due to serious dehydration and the inflammatory affects the boy's nervous system, and he losses his ability to walk for several months, after regaining the ability to walk, he started to notice some changes, he couldn't walk like normal ppl again, his nerves, the irritation raises even by moving his limbs, is so annoying, frm a semi-hyper active kid, he bcome so inactive in any things, all he wanted is to sit down coz every movement of the legs irritates his nerve... After some years, he began to adapt to the irritation n started his life as a normal human being again, but... Those fucking stuffs strikes him again, he'd gt slipped disc 2 years bak n tat the kick in the balls for him, for so many years, he nvr felt those type of pain, those pain like screw driving ur spine, limitation of movement... He nvr felt tat vulnerable before, if anything happened around him, he wouldn't hav the ability to save all his love one bcoz he couldn't even protect himself, all he wanted now is juz living painlessly like a normal person...

普通人是不可能了解当跑步，走路，运动都变成了很奢侈的东西时，是什么感觉。。。