算了

试过多少次，把文章打了打，又全部给删了，又试过多少次，脑里想了想，又把话吞回去了。。。很多东西，算了算了，就真的算了。。。

转捩点

很快的，又要进入新的一年了，明年将会是我的人生的转捩点, 很多事情将会来到属于它们的终点。。。其实，真得满期待，一切不好的，好像都要结束了。。。

也很快的，农历新年会有许许多多的中学聚会，记得每一次我都不厌其烦的问你跟不跟，而你就会果断地拒绝，其实每次聚会我真的很想把你带去，让大家知道，你就是那个人。。。

也不懂为什么，每次想写东西，写着写着。。。就不想多写了，这篇也不例外，好像不想多说些什么。。。

苦笑

得空没事做，又跑去看 FB inbox, 原来我们已经很久没像以前这样聊天了，看着所有对话，嘴角都会不自觉地上扬，但是又会渐渐地伤悲，惋惜这一切都已经是过去。。。对不起，真的很对不起，没把你捉牢，让现在的我们变成了这样。。。对不起

Random

其实现在真的会有不同的地方，发泄一下不同的情绪，一直放在同一个地方，同样的人，看着反反复复的东西，谁都会腻。。。好在现在越来越多的平台，发泄不想憋在心里的情绪，短短的，就放在微信啊，想你刻意留意的，就放 whatsapp, 想分享心情的，自然就 facebook, 那有感而发的，当然就来篇文章啦。。。其实唯有这样，我才可以保持着微笑面对每一个看到我的人，因为负面情绪都宣泄出来了。。。

认识我的人，都知道我情感丰富得很，比较容易有突如其来的情绪，所以咧，最近不懂怎么了，那 feel 又来了，可能是因为最近又看港剧了吧，总会有什么情节，有或者哪一幕，回引起我的深思熟虑。。。。

你还记得曾几何时你对爱情充满着 passion, 对爱情充满着恫景，对爱情充满期待，充满幻想？我记得，但那好像是很久以前的事了。。。人越长大，就会知道，爱情并没有以前想的那么简单，单纯和美丽；它参杂了很多的现实，丑陋于不如意。。。其实我还真怀念以前那种不知天高地厚的爱。。。哈哈哈哈。。。至少它们被想起是可笑的，开心的。。。对于这门东西，我还真的好像失去了期盼，等待，遐想，也不知道从何时开始，我已不在乎它的存在与否。。。

但是跟我要好的人，都会告诉我，好好的找一个啦；我会说，找得到才讲；他们又会说，改改你的言行举止，你这样肯定不行，太不稳定啦。。。其实嘛，谁会比我自己更了解我自己？我难道不懂我这副德性其实会让别人感到不切实际？我懂，我都懂，但是我就是这样的人，只有认识我，真正了解我的人，就知道其实这一个不羁的脾性，背后住着的是一个什么人，也只有看得到着么透的人，会跟我很要好。。。

人有时真的不会知道，其实 a breach of promise 会很伤害一个人，即使那是一个很小很小的承诺，但是那承诺对别人来说可以很重要。。。不要看小这一切的伤害，它可以很大很大，大得你无法预计的改变，然而事后的一句 “对不起” 对我来说其实只是形式上的东西，它完全无法弥补那远远超过的伤害，它只能带给你一点点自我安慰，因为你已经无法补偿那些伤害。。。所以我从不轻易许下承诺，要是我答应你的，我一定会去实现，我不想做一个没有担当的人。。。

其实这篇东西真的很 random, 都是刚看完那港剧突然想写的东西。。。没什么特别，就那几幕剧情的对白好像格外的有意义。。。就连标题我都真的还没想到。。。我靠~

那一年的假期

那一年，我们中五毕业，一群懵懵懂懂的十七岁小子，第一次坐下来一起篇拍行程，学人家订机票，订酒店。。。说真的，不难。。。但是呢，就有许多的小事，阻碍了我们，有了点小小的波折，差一点就不齐人了，不过最后还是解决了。。。那一年，我们一伙人一起计划了毕业之旅，一起去到了 Langkawi 。。。在那里，我们试了很多新的东西，我们租了辆 unser, 刚刚好坐了九个人，由于我们都是年尾生日的人，所以全部都是新手，每个人就不断地轮流驾车，我们拿著地图，四处跑透透，说真的，真的很爽。。。谁都知道，哪里最便宜的就是酒，所以那时，我们第一次喝醉，第一次尝试抽烟，一大群男生，突然没有了拘束，突然的自由，真的很爽，我们干了很多平时大人们告诉我们是错的事。。。

突然地说起这一切，是因为刚才无意中又看到了我们在酒店喝酒拍的影片，每次看，我都会笑，然后就会叹息时间流失得真快。。。那是六年前的事了。。。我们过后不是没再去玩，只是不再那么的齐人。。。过后无论在哪里，无论跟谁，我都没有像那一次那样的开心，也只有和他们一起喝酒，我可以无拘无束，我不用担心任何人，不用担心酒后会发生什么事，因为我们是死党。。。我真的很想可以回到那时候，那个我叫做青春的时候。。。呵呵呵呵。。。以前的我们，十七岁要的，是和朋友到海边去吹海风，现在的十七岁？早在夜店烂醉。。。有时候我很讨厌人家说什么青春就应该玩，我很想告诉他们，那些是你们给自己的烂借口，那不是挥霍青春，是在滥用，青春的挥霍不是在酒池肉林，是做一些你老了会引以为傲的事，老了无法做的事，对我来说，我会去空中跳伞，笨猪跳，这。。。才是人家说的 “玩”。。。

还是我们当年的十七岁好。。。哈哈哈哈。。。兄弟啊，六年啦，我们是不是应该计划一下，我们下一次齐人的旅行啊？要去海边； 海风，美酒，兄弟。。。那是属于我们的共同点。。。那一次，是最难忘的旅行，最开心的旅行。。。我们的，十七岁。。。

Genetics, The Destined?

I wasn't born big boned nor tall, I was only 139cm at the age of 13, and by jumping whenever i could n for a vry vry long period, I'm now 178cm, but ppl will nvr actually realised how tall am I until they actually got a chance to stand beside me n compare their height and mine, y? becoz I was borned with small frame, I hav dense but slim bone, vry small wrist and most importantly, I'm a guy with obvious waist, it's an inverted triangle body contour tat lotsa ppl dreamnt of, but it does require lotsa lotsa hardwork to mke it bulky, I'm those tat couldnt get fat even I drink oil everyday, high metabolism type of body n tat means i loses weight in a blink of eyes, I could simply lose 5kg in a week juz by slping later den usual, and it required me at least 2-3 mnths to gain the 5kg, so it's actually a hard task for me to strive to 80kg, my body weight alwayz linger around 60-66kg...

I wasn't born big, but I want to look big, I wan to look good and stop hearing "Dude, gain some weight, u r way too thin..." I wan, I really wan, I craved... But this tke times, especially for someone with slipped disc tat required to rest for at least a month if i accidentally hurt my bak when i workout n tat meanz all the hard gained weight will be gone again... But I'll nvr giv up, it gone, i build again... I will be different, giv me some times...

U r the chief of ur soul

After the repetition of cycles of failure, some will choose to hide frm failure n be a fucking failure himself and some will stand up str8 and stiff n show the fucking failure who is the boss...

Im a great failure, and i knew it, i screwed up my control on self discipline and tat causes me to screwed up my acedemic and others minute stuffs in life... Im an engineer under grad, supposed to graduated and working by now but Im still facing stuffs tat i hate the most, exams due to the below average CGPA i gt throughout the whole tertiary ed, so basically i'm extending another semester to pull tat up and hopefully tis will be the last sem... It's actually kinda feelin bad when all ur frenz started to talk about their workloads, their salary, their expenses, their financial management n stuffs n I will sit there nod and nod and nod and well noddddd... And yea, if u didnt noe, I actually gt terminated for 3 times due to poor acedemic performance, no ppl actually know for the 3rd termination besides my family and i almost got my ass kicked out frm the uni, tat meanz im almost wasting 5 years in uni for ntg, ntg at all, not a single accreditation... Besides, I'd got a mislocation of the jelly-liked structure between the spine and irritating the nerves aka slipped disc which causes me to constantly, i mean constantly feeling the "spine being screwdrived" pain, nevertheless sportless and disabilities in completing several task which needed the strength frm the bak n aso bending, well Im not a sport freak but I do love doing sports and this symptom is a hell to me and tis lasted for 2 years...

The reason I'm telling all these is bcoz a pathetic young soul of my uni in sg long branch campus decided to take away his precious chance of living by himself early in the morning. He jumped off frm the 5th floor of the building, he's oni 19 moreover a high achiever in both spm and stpm... Reason of committing suicide are still in investigation but it was said to be due to his poor socializing network... Well come on dudes out there, is tat the end of the world for u when a obstacle is bothering u? And tat problem hav a fucking solution, u doesnt rely on in to eat or live, y u have the courage to jump of a building knowing tat u will definitely have to suffer a severe muscles bursting, bone fractured kind of pain frm the moment u landed on the groud till the monent u breath out the last breath as compared to stand up str8 and live ur life so tat "Better" would have the chance to knock ur door some other times? Those tat committed suicide no matter for money, relationship, stress or anything, u guyz r pure selfish irrational cruel shit idiots for me, did u ever tot of those ppl tat love u so much? Ur parents? Siblings? Relatives? Frenz? Some ppl r praying all day and hopes tat they would see the sunshine again and u fucking bastard chosen to end ur own life while u r totally capable to live? U r juz too selfish i would say...

Sometimes i wonder, will they regret their act when they approach the ground? When they approaching death? Im sure they will, but by tat time, it's all too late...

Well to be frank I undergo a tertiary ed life which i personally think it is bad n i need slightly more strength to continue my steps, to be frank, when i knew tat the uni decided to terminate my studies and i will hav to start all over frm 0 which will cost me another 3-4 years, i do hav a tiny little tot across my head for a second, i tot of dying, to be frank... But i didnt do it, y? Becoz it need hel lotsa courage and selfishness which u can be so careless for all the love one to choose to end ur life! I would rather continue my life in a simpler and harder way... Seriously peoples, suicide is a stupidest and most selfish way of AVOIDING problems... Dont do it, juz dont...

当运动，甚至连正常地行动都变成了奢侈品时，你就会了解正常人是很多人所奢望的幸福，因为现在的我即使每天面对着许多钻骨般的痛楚，我还是觉得我比世上现在经历着战争，饥荒的人来得幸福很多很多。。。朋友，你今天所放弃的生命，是多少人渴望于奢求生存的明天。。。要惜福，感恩。。。

Please Cure Me

I used to think tat Im a gifted child, a child tat hav so much attentions frm people up there and they gifted lotsa lotsa hidden talents i would say, well tis might sound abit out the mind but i do hav vry strong 6th sense when I was younger n those events do amazed me, but it nvr appears  again now... Hahaha... Well bak to the story, I alwayz feel tat Im so gifted tat i wouldn't die, I did lotsa crazy stuffs which whenever I tot bak of it, it actually causes goosebumps, Im actually tat close to death, Im juz like others kids, not afraid of anything, and I behaved like a monkey when i was younger, tat causes headache for my parents, hahahaha... And those moment doesnt last long, at the age of 9, this kid had measles, and tat causes some infection to his bladder due to serious dehydration and the inflammatory affects the boy's nervous system, and he losses his ability to walk for several months, after regaining the ability to walk, he started to notice some changes, he couldn't walk like normal ppl again, his nerves, the irritation raises even by moving his limbs, is so annoying, frm a semi-hyper active kid, he bcome so inactive in any things, all he wanted is to sit down coz every movement of the legs irritates his nerve... After some years, he began to adapt to the irritation n started his life as a normal human being again, but... Those fucking stuffs strikes him again, he'd gt slipped disc 2 years bak n tat the kick in the balls for him, for so many years, he nvr felt those type of pain, those pain like screw driving ur spine, limitation of movement... He nvr felt tat vulnerable before, if anything happened around him, he wouldn't hav the ability to save all his love one bcoz he couldn't even protect himself, all he wanted now is juz living painlessly like a normal person...

普通人是不可能了解当跑步，走路，运动都变成了很奢侈的东西时，是什么感觉。。。

平行時空？

我聽講過，若果係有緣，點都會相遇，無論點，發生咩事都一樣。。最近我都係度諗，若果當年我選擇去 nottingham 修學，我地就唔係今時今日咁，我人生最唔開心嘅時候可能係我人生最開心嘅時候，我會係英國，同我最好嘅朋友一齊過個一年。。。唔同嘅時空，唔同決定，造就唔同嘅結局。。。

Things Tat U Do Not Know

Upon request, most of the latest posts will be written in english until someone passes the exam... ;)

It must always be ur wonder how to mke me for in luv wit u, y tat no matter how sweet u r, u r juz nobody... Im a scorpio, typically typical scorpio which can nvr fall in luv easily, but once we did, it will be ur memories tat hardest to be forgotten. U must had wondered, y u could nvr replace her, well... To be frank, there r no one tat r irreplaceable, once tat person's story ended, when i decided to forget, tat person will jz be a dust in my life, they no longer hold the power to affect anything, and in fact, I doesnt get a replacement for anyone, if u secure a place in there, ur place will be urs and only urs, they r unique i can assure...

The reason y u couldnt find a place in there is bcoz of u couldnt even fulfil the fundamental part... The first and most important stuffs tat i find in a person i need, is the sense of securities, then u will says, she too couldnt giv me that... Yea, her attitude once annoyed me but this is the part, where Im too young to believe eveything ppl told me, and she literally told me how important am i to her, how i bcome everything of her and bla bla bla, tat is the part tat mke me actually start believing and feeling secure... But, a big but, things r no longer the same now u see, ppl lost their trust towards smtg as time passes by, so tis is wat I'd been stolen by the snatch theft named Chrono... My trust, towards ppl's words... I no longer believe in promises, no longer believing in sweet words, and no longer believing in watever swearing... They r all bullshit to me, i only believe in action now, prove to me, show me, how true u r, how sincere u r...

I dun need someone tat will cause me fucking problems and jealousies when im attached to, and u r fucking sweet talking to who so ever appeared, Im nt being selfish but who the fuck fucking like their partner to be so fucking sociable and overly frenly to fucking everyone? So watz tat for for owning u? I can juz be like anyone to be fucking touch hug grab u? Im not fucking narrow minded nor over protective u see, i doesnt even need to worried if u do noe how to protect urself but unfortunately things r the other way round here... But well, im a pretty fair guyz u see, erm... Physically n mentally fair den, so if u fucking like to be fucking close wit oppose gender ppl, den dun fucking care, jealous or wat so ever argue wit me when i got too close wit others galz kay? Im can be fucking frenly and sociable too damn it... Dun fucking think tat Im a small potato arse...

Ahhh~ wat a relief... So the nxt time u feel like askin me y i do nt love u, read it over urself... kthxbai

I learnt it in a hard way

以前，总觉得说什么因了解而分开，简直是一对狗屁，都是些不负责任的人说的，然而现在。。。我相信了，我和你，都是因走过了无数的光阴，慢慢地，了解了其实我们并不适合，以前的种种纠缠，都只是任性，不肯认输。。。说真的，和你在一起的日子，真的领悟了很多，也把以前总不能接受的事情一一的给接受了。。。变得。。。更现实了。。。

以前当我告诉人，我对她多么重要，她多么需要我，她有几爱我，多不可能离开我，就会有一个朋友来告诉我，“干嘛把事情说得那么落实？时间那么长，她现在爱你不代表永远爱你，不要酱傻”。。。当时听在心里，就是一堆废话，心想 “切！ 你懂啥？！” 现在。。。终于了解啦。。。哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

你问我，

现在听到她的事，情绪波动没？波。。。只是不现

现在想她没？ 想。。。只是不露

现在还爱没？爱。。。只是不说

那。。。心情如何？很好。。。因为没有不好的原因。。。=）

The Chill

Do u rmb when is the last time u laugh out so hard that u forgot everything? I forgot when but tonite, I did it again, laugh out loud from the heart itself, the night when oni bros r chilling, and I could tell them anything, we shared, we laughed, being nostalgic and talk like there r no tmr and we could skip any single stuffs we been though together. The bros since 2ndary skol, where we been through the most memorable memories for us, the time where we call youth.

I've been through lotsa stuffs as compared to some of them, and looks into the world more thoroughly, and if u asked me now, I would tell u, I regretted, I nvr wan a life like tis, I wan an ordinary life, not an complicated one like wat I'd been through, I wish to be abit more naive, I wish I nvr seen so much, nvr experienced so much, so that I could still hold some hopes.

Well... It's not an emo post btw, juz to say, laugh is alwayz the best cure for problems, but only a sincere laugh could mke it, I'd fake a smile or laugh, alot... Juz to try my best to hide watz deeply inside, the sorrow and the pain, of coz trying my best to cheer myself up, but non works... So when is the last time when u sincere laugh out loud? But no matter wat, alwayz rmb to put a smile on ur face, even u hav to fake it sometimes, coz u look best wit tat... *winkz

今晚我笑得没心没肺。。。=D

Time

Time is the best snatch theft in the world, or mayb... The universe. U will nvr noticed until something belongs to u got snatched...
Wonder why I unintentionally open the facebook chat history starts reading and noticed, I'd gained something, missed something and of coz losses something, watz in my mind when i read through almost all the last chat wit people r "Gosh... I'm so daring to said tat" , "Wow... so tis person actually pm-ed me first" , "Y i didnt replied? So rude of me" , "Wat kind of lame shit r u crapping eric tkk?!" and last but not least "Hmmm... we used to be tis sweet huh? Endless topic and laughter... I couldn't mke u smile n laugh like i used to, same phrase but different responds, guessed u got bored by the same stuffs"...

Well u would nvr noticed how much the world could chged until u take peep into ur past, be amazed dude, be amazed, those happened in juz a blink of eyes u see... Time took away so much from me, so much... And I will got it to pay me bak...

Ever wonder y I love the world Chrono so much? I used the term as nickname in almost anything ever since 13... Coz the thing I afraid the most is time, I realised how minute r us when it comes to time, we r incompatible, at all... I hate to do anything where i need to compete with time, but unfortunately, every living things are competing against time ever since the born... So I chosen it as a name, to hav a silly hope which I can keep time by my side, I do hopes tat I could reverse the time, reverse the mistakes I had done...

And yea... Hahahahaha... The monkies juz got me a new name, since I keep mentioning I could generate electricity juz by a winkz, the monkies r calling me Erictricity now... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... They made my day by tat, well it sounds cool to me, so I juz accept it...
So beware... I could Erictrocute u... *winkz... Hahahahaha

*Time is ticking, hopes u realised it too*

愤

这几天心情，情绪都一直处在紧绷，愤怒的情况。。。就一个早上，就发了三次的脾气，声量大得惊人。。。也许已经不想压抑了。。。

呵呵

她好像好像以前的你。。。
一个简单的*亲亲* 就足以让她开心一整晚。。。
一个约会就可以让她手舞足蹈。。。

你。。。还记得我第一次约你，你的反应吗？

"以前以前，为什么你那么爱说以前"

真的很想把一切都忘了，可是真的好难，好像到了哪里，吃了什么，听了什么歌，看了什么戏，都会不由自主地想起你，然后莫名地伤感了起来。。。
就连一个简单的 MV，都会让我想起以前的我们。。。
你总是问我，为什么那么爱说以前，可能我就是放不下以前的我们，因为。。。我好喜欢以前的我们，爱的。。。就是以前的我们
总是有好多问题想问你，但是我知道，问或不问，都会痛，不同的是，不问，一个人痛，问了，两个人都会痛，所以选择了沉默。。。

每个人都会遇见一个，她完全不是你的菜，不符合你当初所有的择偶条件，但是你就是爱上了她，哪怕最后无疾而终，可能她带给你的伤害大过于甜蜜，纵使你和她拥有的时光都患得患失，自己都已变得不像自己。。。但是在很久很久之后，别人提起了她，你记得的却只有她的好。。。在我懵懵懂懂，年少不羁的时候，你点缀了那么一点点的色彩，但是就是因为这一点点的不一样，让我的人生起了化学反应，从此不再一样。。。可能没有遇见彼此，对你的人生，是一个更好的故事，没有了拘束，没有了占有，没有了顾忌，没有了痛苦。。。对不起，我不小心闯进了你的世界，把它搞得一团糟了，可是。。。我好像迷了路，我找不到。。。离开的方向。。。

如果有那么的一天，记性不好的你想起了以前的种种，那么你一定要再牢牢地记住它们，因为我想你记住，我们的经历，回忆，也是那么的刻苦铭心。。。一定要，再记住。。。

Grin

我改变了，不是因为我妥协了，更不是因为我认输了。。。
我是在自我增值，变成一个更梦寐以求的我。。。
Im going to be someone tat worth it all...
Im going to be the one, tat is too good to be true...
People always say, being better is the best way to revenge...
Im not going to be better for god sake...
I... Will Be The Best...
Let me show you, wat am I capable of... Juz sit still, n wait for the show...

你不知道那需要多少的勇气

我用了最大的勇气，来接受我最害怕的事，不是冲动，不是幼稚，更不是醉了，是真的爱了。。。
那几天，我一直问我自己，就不可能了吗？ 但是我真的不舍得。。。

心，已碎。。。

当别人看见我留回刘海时，我会问，好看吗？曾经有人最爱这发型。。。
当别人靠在我的肩膀时，我会问，好躺吗？曾经有人嫌它硬。。。
当别人拖我手时，我会问，感觉好吗？曾经有人想永远拖着。。。
当别人和我接吻时，我会问，好亲吗？曾经有人说很好亲。。。

你是否知道，我总在做很多事情时，都会在想你的感受。。。
你是否知道，我在做许多事情时，都会想起你。。。
你是否知道，我真的想过，白头偕老。。。
你是否知道，我有多痛恨我自己，没把你教好。。。
你是否知道，我有多痛恨我自己，没把你捉牢。。。
你是否也希望时间可以倒流。。。
如果一切重来你是否会记得我说的每一句话。。。
你是否可以遵守答应我的每一件事。。。
我说过的，我都做到，你呢？为什么就不能在做事时无意中的地想想以后我的感受。。。

为什么？！为什么？！为什么？！

你可知道，我真的真的很痛。。。
你可知道，我真的崩溃了。。。
你可知道，我从未如此无助。。。
你可知道，我的心真的碎了。。。
你可知道，我多么地想这是玩笑。。。
你可知道，我多么的想这是梦。。。

我到底哪里不好了，
我到底哪里做错了，
上天为什么要酱？

亲爱的。。。我真的很受伤，你知道么？

如果我走了

其实在这个情人节，你真的差那么一点点，就失去我了，就那么一点点。。。差就只差在，我真的还很喜欢你，我不舍得你。。。
你，难道就真的不怕？

Good Night

Out of sudden, tonight became a sentimental night, most probably due to emo posts n statuses on fb, watching some random video on youtube one of it almost made me cry...

Life is gettin better recently, at least, Im going to enjoy the CNY period, I doesnt wan to think anything extra, juz wanna say, if u it, go n get it, u r the master of ur soul, the chief of the mind...

其实我好累

又有谁能看得出这一张坚强脸孔的背后，多么地千疮百孔。。。
嬉皮笑脸，无关痛痒的背后，藏着的是多么多的无可奈何，压力，无助。。。
真得好累，我。。。跌疼了，那又如何？拍拍身上的尘土，对自己说。。。
"没关系，命保着就好，前面的路还难得很"

5201314

5201314 快乐。。。=）