Found the Force

It has been a while since the last time I doubting the chosen course, most probably I ad adapt to the hardiness and the environment, starting to do juz wat every1 been doing, nvr tot of being outstanding or watever. I used to hav a dream, a force at the very beginning which drove me towards tis path, I wan to find a remedy for cancer I said, it took away my precious family members, it took away loves from many families, I hate it I said, But seems like tat dream is no longer achievable for me, U might say it will nvr be too late, but den wat if the precious chances is being wasted? So I've abandoned tat dream for quite some times, making me undergoing some lifeless n aimless stuffs during my studies, but after tdy, I found something I still can do wit wat I currently hav, a smaller n achievable aim I would say. Tis is actually alwayz in my mind, I will try my best to do it in my daily life, save the earth, save the resources, so tat my child or grand child and the following generation would still hav the chance to see wat I've seen. As a chemical engineer, it's part of our responsibility to design and create a green environment, I believe it's a very heaty issue among the engineers nowadays. Tatz the oni way for us to chg the place we living now, the oni livable planet in the milky way before the nxt being found I would say. The Earth ad start to warn n alerting the human being, natural disaster are happening in higher frequency nowadays, different places on earth. And tis is the driving force for me now, I wanna do smtg to help the earth, by doing green tech.

BORING~!

Arghhhhhhh I'm so boringgggg~ I even got bored until I dig out the long lost PS1 and those games tat fully covered wit dust, the machine still functioning n look well =D Thx the owner, for taking good care of it since long long time ago... Playing bak those RPG game, MY FAV!!! Starting all frm beginning, n start to realise tat how much time i spend facing tis machine n games, I can rmb most of the story line... @_@

Was waiting for frenz to finish their finals, I need Fresh Air~

Almost the end of 2011, was in a very peaceful mind now, hav the feeling going bak to the old track, being the nerd me, strong one though, but feel likes it will nvr success, I ad exposed myself to the world full of seductive stuffs, My entertainment is no longer Video Games...

U came bak frm SG, fetched u frm airport, spent some times 2gether after tat, but dunno since when, I no longer treat u as smtg I wanted desperately, mayb since u went SG, everything is over for me, Missing? Of coz I did, But u can no longer affect my mood I would say. The hangout yesterday nite really mke me realised lotsa stuffs, U r more Real when u r wit me alone, sharing secrets wit me, hence I didnt really pay attention on wat u guyz been talking yesterday, cuz I noe I definitely noe more den tat. It is true when ppl said U will only start to appreciate when thing gone, I felt it yesterday, u r abit.... Different. I nvr mke flirty jokes like I usually did, I nvr hold u to cross the road, I dun feel like doing anything, n I noe tat u feel more comfortable in tat way, so do me... Tis is better isnt it? =)

December

Well... The last month of 2011, doom day are getting closer huh? L o L... Glad tat it's December now, the end of the disastrous year. Everything is over now... =) Saw this phrase for dunno how many times every where, It's Christmas Month, All I Want For Christmas Is (Fill In Da Blank). Den I start to ask myself, wat I wan for Christmas? Nvr celebrate Christmas before, juz some minor yum cha session wit fren + countdown, n actually I do not want you so much ever since u left, wat left is mayb juz missing u since u r abroad, hence no worry, u will not be wat I'm wishing for tis christmas... I've got wat I wan now, satisfied wit wat I hav now, Belongings, Frenz, Family... It has been a tough year for me, relationship, academic n stuffs, it's empty nw, the heart is empty by now... SO, All I wan for Christmas is... Meeting another 1 tat can fill up the another half of the apple.

See U soon, The One.

Unleashed

Had abandoned the blog for quite some time, no reason, juz dun feel like sharing anything. Thoughts and feeling are piling up in the brain, juz dun feel like sharing. Was being judge non-stop based on recent action or wat so ever, even I myself noe that I'm no longer the same like last time. U might asked me, dun u feel wrong doing tat? Y u do tis y u do tat? Of coz I noe it's smtg not good, but I dunno y, I dun hav the intention to stop myself for doing so. The Devil's was Unleashed, no way keeping it back.

Dun tell me how much U love Me, u noe that I wont believe anymore... I've seen it, when things are around u, there are no appreciation. U alwayz tell me, it's too faz, i nvr let u hav enuf time to think. But recall it, it's not a short period, 3 months is not a short period. I noe u might be shocked, really got 3 months? Yes it is, I've been there beside u asking u to choose for 3 long months. I've been doing things for you, things tat u wanted for so long. I will not leave, but I can nvr go bak. I'm Sorry.

受不了

无论前一晚玩得多么起劲，多么刺激，多么甜蜜，睡醒后却像做了场梦一般的虚假，梦醒后的空虚，真的让人无发接受，有时连对方的脸都已无法想起。真的很怕那种空虚，那种梦醒时分，努力地想起前一晚的点点，仿佛在寻找些什么，得到的却只有那零零碎碎的片段，回想只会让心疼痛不已的片段。

Be Last

"世间上所有的事，都要我们去做选择，正如一份感情，注定要消失的时候，你唯一可以做到的就是忘记她，或者............令她忘记你。"

如果你还看到哩個更新，你会知，其實個晚你估啱左，你估中我做乜，但是你估唔中個原因。原本要講嘅一切，却在听到你声音的個一杀那講唔出，汹涌而出的回忆打消了這個念头。我冇諗过原来爱上一個唔应该爱上個人是咁辛苦，原本諗住大家都开心冇乜所谓，但原来係我玩唔起，爱上你但因种种原因不能一起，放不下真係好痛。我真係好辛苦，好痛，更辛苦嘅係，我不可以同任何人講我有幾辛苦。看到你的他，我知我地唔应该再乱缠，所以做左决定，让一切随风。

Recent

Watz the feeling of disappointment? Watz the feeling of hiding truths? Watz the feeling of changes?

2011 is definitely not a smooth n fruity year, in terms of positive results, somehow it's definitely a best year for me to adapt to failure, different obstacles I faced tis year, one over another, nvr been slping tight ever since the beginning of the year, never... Mayb these obstacles causes me to chg, into sum1 whom me myself not familiar wit, even will got depressed y I do such things, where's my disciplines? I'm so so so tired, tot of giving up everything, but I cant imagine my life in the future if I gav up all now.

Needing sum1 to share probs, but u're alwayz not around, I really cant stand it recently to be frank, I juz feel like I wanna giv up, dunno how to express tis feeling, but I really dun wan to continue like tis, I'm tired, of worrying, guessing n disappointing. Mayb, we need some times to be calm, tatz really a need for me now, at least I can stop tis issue going for the moment, I've too many stuffs waiting for me to solve now, I need to move on, I cant juz got emo when read something I shouldnt be reading. Mayb u feel safe wit wat I'm now not, but I'm not. I dunno wat to say but, yea U chged alot, I cant adapt...

Sorry Mum, for hidings frm u again, it was the 2nd time I'm not telling u watz actually going on, I feel safer n more calm in tat way, coz I noe u'll be nagging n asking me watz the way to solve n bla bla bla bla bla when I tell u watz happening, I noe u care, but u should noe my well, I hate it when ppl ask me bout probs n ways to solve when me myself still figuring the way to solve, I dunno how to answer ok? N u'll keep asking n asking n asking, u're juz gonna push me towards the edge by doing tat, so I'm sorry for doing tat again.........

It's alwayz good to be driven around when I'm not in good mood n I've the time. I really afraid to be in da room alone facing the walls when I've prob, I dunno wat can I do, I need fresh air, I need listener. Thx for the ride tis morning guyz, it's actually keep me away frm problems for a moment, the beauty of nature is really awesome. Thanks.

Emo?

Things chg... Perhaps? No, it's absolutely... We r no longer the same aren't we? Where is the gal I knew last time which will rejects all outing juz to see me when I arrived? Where is the gal I knew last time which still be talking non stop even she's slpy? Yea,no win-win situation, but at least, let me feel tat u still appreciates moments wit me, Cant u? I aint important anymore, No? Ever since the week b4 u starts ur study life, situation ad been tis worst, I understand there is ntg more important den studies n future, coz I feel the same 2, so I tot by helping u finish ur notes earlier, we might can spend sometimes 2gether, but? U rather stick to ur sms n ur fb rather den talking to me, u didnt even realised I got fed up n go away. I seriously FUCKING hate tat tone now, coz I've been listening to it ever since I stepped into ur hse. I've purposely came n stayed late juz to see u more, n how much times we actually spent 2gether? It's juz like the previous weeks. Where r the promises? Where are u? Where are u when I needed u most my dear? Why I need to rely on others things to release stress n tension even tat u r juz around? Sorry tat I lied, I'm not ok at all. I juz cant spill out anything when u asked. I bet by the time u saw tis, it must already be several dayz or even weeks after it being posted. I cant stand the feeling of sharing, I'm sorry... I do not even noe who am I now... I think I'll not go n find u on purpose in a period, I dun like the disappointment.

Nothing

Sometimes... Nothing doesn't really mean nothing for me, it's actually means I do not noe wat else I wanna say, so if u asked me WHY afterwards, I'll juz repeating using the same word... Nothing.

我没有在生气, 因为我根本没有生气的理由,

我只是觉得 "啊？怎么又要走啦? 这星期第几次了?(无言)。。。"

其实我只是在想，能再陪我一会吗? 我又心烦了。。。

配角

曾经是那好不起眼的小伙子，

曾经连说话的对象都没有，

曾经没有目标的生命，

曾经面对多少排挤，

曾经被人放弃，

曾经被人嫌弃，

没有朋友，

没有目标，

没有希望，

是你，是你点燃了这小伙子的生命，你尽能力帮助他，你从烂泥巴里把他拉了上来，也不只是否有意地安排他坐在你面前，我们之前从没碰面，但你就是能让我那么地尊敬，你总会把我叫到办公室开导我，我真的真的真的真的很谢谢你对我的栽培， 没有你根本不会有今天的我， 你教会我许多人生的道理，所以说我掉班，其实是上天刻意的安排，好让我遇上了你，上天真的很眷顾这小子，总是让他遇上对的人，要不他早就烂得彻底，烂得无可救药了... 谢谢你潘老师，是你改变我的人生，让我从新演义我人生的舞台。

配角,也会有当上主角的一天...

我深信,

因为我曾经就是个好不起眼的配角...

I need

I need alcohols

I need cigarettes

I need to shout loudly in front of the sea

I need sea waves

I need sea breeze

I need clear blue sky

Plz come n go dear exams

Plz come faster 10th of May

Plz be easier after tis dear LIFE

Aiks

I might cant stand tis pain for long, I dunno wat am I thinking, sometimes I wish to stop, because I dunno wat will we bcome later, but I think the poison was overdose, I cant control the way I think sometimes, I beg for remedy...

The Reason

Mayb u guyz didn't noe tat, U guyz r the reason y I'm still in tis path... I'm enjoy in the war wit u guyz, although I noe I might need to be alone sometimes, but whenever I'm wit u guyz, I feel safe, I wanna fight 2gether wit u all, I dun wanna quit, We gonna win tis war 2gether. Juz 2 more years, or mayb another extra sem for me, but we gonna mke it and win it beautifully... Strive for it mates!!! I nvr gonna stay until tdy without u all... To All of u, my precious war-mate, Thanks...

Changing frm time to time

Been trying so hard, to try to know or understand every single things tat I've chance to learn, trying hard to be knowledgeable, and when time pass, I juz realise I dun not hav so much time for me to involve in so many stuffs, 24 hrs a day is not enuf, I wish I can learn tis, I wish I can master tat, I wish I can hav tis,I wish I can earn tat, so many needs and so many greeds. Trying my best, to be a perfect 1 perhaps, to ensure tat there will be no regret when u choose me and of coz for making u regret for not choosing me =P I wish I can learn more, I wish I can see more, I wish I'll hav a wider vision in the coming times, I'll try my best, to cr8 a better life, and a better future.

Glad to hav u guyz as war-mate, striving for a better future 2gether. I noe tat I'm far away behind u guyz now, but juz watch, imma catch up wit ur footsteps soon, coz I'm ME. *winks

Rmb the deal yoong yang, 5 digits... =D

The Feelings

It feels kinda weird, it's like I'm hving all the things I need, but I still dun feel happy, I tried to focus but was distracted. It's really a joke, when u find out that things tat u pursue for actually changes 180 degree in a blink of eyes. His advices is true, I shall giv up all and continue my journey, there would be something better in front... Perhaps. But memories is something I couldn't erase, I wish tat sum1 juz hit my head hardly wit a baseball bat and I shall wke without those memories lies in my head. Those happiness seems so unreal, it's like grabbing a snow crystal in ur hand, u can grab it tightly and hav it at tis moment, but it will juz melt and flow away at the nxt moment.

Nvr ever tot of playing wit the fire, it's excited but when u got burned, it hurts, and it really tkes times to recover... =)

2011 Y2 S3, the worst and most suffering year ever since I was born, plz juz come and go I beg, I cant stand ur game anymore Mr Fate.

I do... I do...

I love it when u behave like a pampered child

I love it when u hug my arm and lie on my shoulder

I love it when I hug u from the back

I love it when u say u wanna accompany me badly

有一种思念，是不常见，

却总会在某些时刻突然想起，

想念了却又要埋于心底，

就因我不该再让你知道，

我其实也会想起...

Playful? Or Loyal?

We're like the devil to each other, dragging each other to hell...

只有你能给予我这样的激情，我开始怀疑我到底想要的是什么...

让我改变想法迁就你, 还是让你改变玩法迁就我?

是我改变了你，还是你改变了我? 激情与忠实，该何以取舍?

Here Comes Another Wave

At tis silent nite after a huge quarrel between my younger sis n the parents, I finally can calm myself down n start thinking wat should I do. Listening to some musics now, wondering y I hav such a sister, never admit is her fault, nvr admit she is weak? I aso hav my problems where I need to solve, I dare to say the stress I facing is millions or zillions greater den hers, she juz dun realise how lucky she is to be pampered by the parents ever since she was born, I do not hav so much supports like u did when I face probs, I do jealous of u sometimes. Dear sis, if u were happen to read tis, I juz wanna say tat u r juz in ur secondary skol, if u cant even manage to control the stress and ur emotional, wat will happen when u reach Uni and when u step out to tis society? U tot Papa mama jie jie or me will alwayz be there when u face prob? How much can we actually help if u dun even learn to be independent? U shouldn't blame any1 when u face prob in ur own studies, u say tatz suffering, no way to solve, den wat should I do when I screwed up my results in uni now? Wat should I do when I failed? Suicide? Who to blame? Ourselves my sis, no1 should pay responsible on our own mistake, even now I'm facing a huge prob in my studies, but did I cried and yell like a maniac juz like wat u did previous days? Ur obstacles now will oni slow down ur studies, but mistakes tat ur bro made will affect his life, but did I gav up on trying? Learn my sis, learn, learn to solve prob on ur own, crying isn't helping anything u noe? But crying is definitely a good way to express ur emotion, but keep tat to urself, u dun need to cry in front of any1 or yell like a mad1. Tatz all I wanna say, u see it wit ur own eyes, how ur bro gain things tat he wan with his effort, how he survive through his spm wit serious sickness, clear ur mind and accept the facts now, to grow or not to grow, depends on ur own...

I wonder Y probs coming to me at tis time and wave by wave, for sure I'll collapse if another prob come to me again at tis moment, I feel so helpless yet I noe tatz my own mistake, if I didnt mke all these mistakes then probs will not happen now... I juz hope wat I doing now shown my sincerity in helping myself... Plz dun let me collapse, plz giv me strength through tis obstacles... Godbless... ='(

A story of the Moon

When we 1st met, I nvr tot it'll be such a long story, such a long chapter I had in my own life story, it's such a long journey, lotsa things happened in between, wat fate had brought us, I nvr ever think tat we'll be in such a complicated situation, but somehow tis chapter has come to an end, we can never continue the story, because I noe it clearly, Impossible is the word.

Thx for bringing me happiness, be right there when I needed u most, gave me a tight hug when I'm strength-less, u r the one tat will alwayz be there comforting me when I'm not feeling alright, u r there accompany me to pass through the most down period where tons of probs come to me last few weeks... I really enjoyed tis period wit u, I'm really caring n liking u wit the sincere heart, at least I noe it's so so beautiful to hav a date wit the moon, but I'm sorry again I hav to leave, we r not doing it right, I cant get through my own boundary, I still cant accept u...

U said u hate tis song when I played it, but it's how I feel alwayz...

And I'm so sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by

For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when I fled the scene
Sorry love, for wasting your time

And I'm so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry I was falling in love with you
I'm sorry that it came true but sorry doesn't turn back time
For all that I have done to you
I wish that I could make it right
So sorry that I loved you
Sorry that I needed you
Sorry that I held you tight

An apology now after all of this time
Won't make any difference tonight
But I'm hoping "im sorry" will open your mind
To love love love love in your life

Do tke good care of urself, nvr let those who love u worry bout u, u r such a big kid who need guidance... Pleaseeeeeee, rmb wat I said even u dun like it and Take GOOD Care...